#1.) It makes me jealous of any small child who ever obeyed their mother ever.
#2.) It gives me ridiculous expectations for my children
#3.) I become more easily frustrated with the slightest disobedience, and forget how to pick my battles.
#4.) I actually have to concentrate to think of some quality that I really think is a strength of their's
#5.) I develop an attitude of insecurity in my motherhood and even feel hopeless at times
and I think that's all very sad.
Anyways, I've endeavored to think less critically of my kids, and view and talk about them differently. And as God and I have been working on this together it's really been rather amazing what I have discovered about my boys. That their personalities are actually so much richer and more hopeful than I was previously thinking. So I'm going to share some good with you about each of them. Enjoy :)
Nigel Life
Babysitters never believed us when we would tell them about how if our just weeks old baby was tired and crying you should just lay him down in bed rather than hold him. I have a hard time believing it myself, but there it is. That is how this boy was, and is. He is fiercely and adamantly independent. His love language is NOT physical touch. With a few exceptions made for illness, injuries, or bad dreams Nigel most typically rejects forms of physical affection. He is no cuddler.
Though, if it were possible, I like to think he cuddles conversationally. This child de-lights in conversation. It is truly when I see him most alive. He never tires of answering questions and can expound on nearly every topic known to 3 year olds. And he talks with everyone! Making a point to show me his independence he will almost always detach himself from me (as far as I will allow) and fearlessly "get to know" the other parents at the park, library, church etc. His interrogation is pretty standard everytime -What's your name? -What are you doing? -Where is your house? -Where is your car? I have had to pull him away from more than a few crying shy toddler girls, who just are not ready to handle Nigel's straight forward conversation style. We are also working on personal space.
His impartiality is one of my absolute favorite things about him. And the quality that perhaps blesses my heart the most to see, because it reminds me the most of Jesus. Since birth he has seen no race, no size, no smell, no wardrobe, no age, no gender, no language, no personality type, no disability, no ethnicity no behavior in another that would deter his genuine and unapprehensive interest in them.
Even though he is clearly a very social child, his style is consistently very conversational/on-on-one. He shows a surprising amount of reservation when put on a proverbial stage and asked to sing and/or dance or talk when many are listening. Even if several other children are also doing it. I quietly enjoy this very much about him, since he shows so little reservation in almost any other areas of his life.
Which leads me to my next point.
Nigel is packed so full of life and energy, I have actually decided it is impossible to keep up, and that it is only by God's grace that I do. Every day. He has the will of a Mack truck, and he is difficult to train and correct, but not impossible. He moves, fast and constantly, and most often subconsciously. When given an inch it is guaranteed he will immediately contemplate all the many different miles he could take. He will attempt at least 3.
Voices raised in anger really do upset him and hurt his heart, which is important for me to remember because with a child with a personality like Nigel, it is easy to forget that he even can be hurt by anything.
To my elation and surprise he has actually proved to be a good student since we started some pre school a few weeks ago. He is an even better teacher. He loves the responsibility of teaching Ezra to do a task, which is something I really need to remember to be asking of him more often.
Nigel pushes our hearts and minds further than we ever, I mean ever imagined would be asked of us as parents. And we have actually discussed how for the number of times we have tried to raise him up a certain way, only to have him defy our (as well as all the expert's and author's) expectations, and have to start anew; he is actually a pretty together little guy. We've decided that it’s actually a blessing to have this boy who shares (and wears) his heart and emotions so openly. Because while we may not always know how to handle him, we always know what’s in his heart. And with so many children that’s most of the battle. We could in no way imagine our lives without him!
Ezra Courage
The humor that Grant and I so often repeat to each other is how easy of a baby we always thought Nigel was. I'm actually laughing as I type it. Because then there was Ezra. Ezra was born the most polite, obliging, cooperative newborn baby. I am still in awe. Like all newborns he did cry in the night to be fed, changed and burped, but was too considerate to ever bother me about it unless it was absolutely necessary. And even when he would, he would offer up a small unalarming protest, as if he knew I would come and he didn't dare to wake anyone else up. Then after his needs were met it was as if he would say thank you and easily return to sleep for several more hours. I know :)
I'm not one of those people who is totally into the meaning of baby names and how you are speaking them over your children and thus their life's path. After all, Leah means cow, so.... But if I were to become a believer it would be this child who convinces me. The name Ezra means "helper". Helpfulness is so clearly an attribute of my Ezra it is difficult to miss. He has a natural drive toward systems and order. In actual preference to toys, and generally without any prompting, he will help load and unload the dishwasher as well as the washer and dryer. He is also known to organize all family members shoes over and over again where we keep them in the front hallway. And my favorite, at any mention of a departure from the house he will almost always bring to the feet of each family member their shoes for the outing. I am always finding him picking up trash, and putting away toys. It is really quite strange, witnessing him doing all these things on his own, but also entirely wonderful. I do nothing to stop this.
His middle name is Courage. And all I will say about this is that he has to be watched even more closely at the park than Nigel ever has, and THAT is saying something.
Ezra, at almost 2 years old is not a big talker. He still prefers mostly to grunt and use hand gestures to get his way. It's something we go back and forth about whether we are concerned. His non-verbal communication and his ability to respond to even very specific instructions is incredibly impressive. When Nigel was this age I remember how he would repeat almost everything you asked him to ie: "Say, Mama" "Say please" "Say, cup" Ezra does not engage in this game with me. I'm okay with this. Especially because he will play with Nigel. Next point: Ezra LOVES Nigel! I think this picture says a lot.
Ezra wants to do everything his big brother does. He wants to be three and have chores and use the big boy potty (though trust me, there are NO signs of physical readiness in this area, I've checked.)
When Nigel isn't looking he is known to grab a blanket and sneak in some lap time. He loves being part of our family. He always notices when someone is gone, and is visibly happiest when all 4 of us are together. All this makes him ultra sensitive to being or feeling left out or overlooked, which in turn makes me ultra aware that there is a place for Ezra in everything we do. He brings us joy almost always, and makes us feel like capable parents. We have a hard time talking about him without smiling.
This is such a sweet post! I can tell that you are a great mom!
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